I found her that night for a few moments by going into that connection we call love. She was there with me, looking at me and hearing me.
Comments closedCategory: Musings of a Daughter
This category, Musings of a Daughter, covers topics that I consider more like surprises or revelations during this journey through my mother’s Alzheimer’s. I’ve discovered that I need to be present and alert in order to uncover meaning. Quite often there will be something subtle that happens or something that nags at me in my sleep. But when I sit with it for a while, the meaning might be revealed.
Perhaps some of these musings could relate to my emotional roller coaster. Instead I find more of an element of enlightenment than strictly an emotional reaction. During this journey with my family, there have been times when things are happening so quickly that it is imperative to focus on the quality of decisions. Small things might be ignored. In this section, I’ll try to uncover those small things and bring them to the surface.
My father was declining my help. It was not my choice at that time to do nothing but also not my right to impose or interfere. I also did not want to alienate my father. So on I went waiting for things to fall apart. It was agonizing.
Comments closed
Every once in a while my mother reminds me that she is not just a late stage Alzheimer’s patient. She is an adult woman who still has the capacity to enjoy elements of living. One Friday night I saw a look of contentment on her face. Her expression conveyed a satisfaction that she was present and thoroughly enjoying the moment.
Comments closed
I believe that even though mom suffers from late stage Alzheimer’s, she can still subtly express herself with some truth and intention. She still communicates with me subtly but very clearly in non-verbal ways when she is present. The mother I’ve always known is still there, although blurry or distant or fragmented. Perhaps now she is living more from a place of her own truth than she ever has before.
Comments closed
The best quality time is simple quality time. In the past, I wanted everything to be perfect. It seemed important to have the right music on the radio, serve the right food on the right dishes or take her to the right ice cream stand. I wanted mom to have fun with me. For some strange reason, I thought all these extraneous details made our time together better. Truthfully, nothing else matters if we can just look at each other and smile.
Comments closed