In 2009 while visiting my parents, I pieced together a few subtle little clues that led me to self-diagnosing my mother with Alzheimer’s disease. It was a horrible revelation and one that plunged me into sadness for my family. We were now, suddenly, on a new journey together that would prove to be jolting and emotional for each of us, though in different ways. These personal stories about Alzheimer’s begin with that revelation back in 2009.
To understand the devastation that is Alzheimer’s disease is not to intellectually understand the clinical decline of the patient, but to feel the emotional suffering of the patient’s loved ones. It is the struggle between intellect and heart for the patient’s spouse. It is the strength and devotion that a family member and caregiver must summon daily for years on end. Most importantly, the devastation takes the form of the slow mental and physical deterioration of the patient and steals every part of self.
Sharing Personal Stories About Alzheimer’s
The idea that I would share these very personal stories about Alzheimer’s surfaced only in the past two years. I was encouraged from all directions starting with a nudge from the facilitator of a support group. Then I got a hug and a thank you from someone I listened to and shared experiences with over coffee. It was the hospice team that educated me in times of crisis. Finally, it was a friend who thought writing about these experiences and my grief could somehow be therapeutic. I’ve wrestled with letting more than close friends into our world. What would it feel like to be public and would it be ethical to share my mother’s story. In the end, I’m letting love for all touched by Alzheimer’s disease to guide me.
So here I am. When I first started writing, I was a daughter 9 years into the journey of losing my mother to Alzheimer’s disease. Now, in December 2020 I am a daughter who is healing from the long demanding journey. I am grateful to have had the time and experiences and to be a loving presence through my mother’s last breath. There is an infinite source of love and I feel it every day. Part of the healing process is learning what I want to be at the forefront of my consciousness going forward. Am I still capable of sharing my experiences and accompanying emotions? I believe I am, in time. In fact, I believe I’ve learned more since losing mom.
Ultimately this is a collection of stories and a chronicle of my thoughts and emotions. My intent is to pass on things I’ve learned or to heighten a caregiver’s awareness. I’m just getting started as I have so much I want to share. While not a typical blogger, I prefer to be a story teller so make no apologies for long posts. Detail and context is important to me and my story telling. With that, I welcome you into my world as devoted daughter and caregiver.
God bless.
Nancy