I Love You Mom

Last Friday night gifted me with a rare connection with my mother, almost summoned to me through love. The evening was progressing as a typical Friday where I set up a table outside the dining room in an alcove and eat dinner with my mother. We enjoy the company of another resident and his wife so it’s a social occasion as well as a pleasant meal with mom. Our meals were served as usual but I struggled to feed mom through her sleepiness. Nevertheless, we got through the meal and our table companions left us to go to the lounge.

Now that mom is moving around less, we usually hang out together for a while and I entertain her with music from my cellphone, dancing or just sitting close with my arm around her. I always enjoy this time with her as it is good mother and daughter time. This past Friday I saw her differently than I had in quite a while.

Mom was sleeping, so I pulled my chair up in front of her and leaned my elbows on the arm of her wheelchair. My face rested on my hands only 6 inches from her face so she would see me if she opened her eyes. I usually chatter about random topics and memories when I’m with her just in case something might spark recognition. But I was quiet on Friday.

I love you, Mom

I was watching her sleep and started to think about the woman that I have observed and known all my life. Staring at her, I felt an overpowering love for her. She suddenly opened her eyes and looked right at me. We looked into each other’s eyes until I said spontaneously, “I see you.” I continued, “I see all of you, all of who you are and have been, all your love and all your struggles. I know more about you than you ever told me because I see you. I love you, mom.” She seemed to listen intently as I spoke and I noticed that her eyes were filling with tears. She raised her left hand, even though it’s contracted and stiff, and put it on my arm. I found her that night for a few moments by going into that connection we call love. She was there with me, looking at me and hearing me. I’m not sure she understood my words but I’m certain she felt my love.