Today is not like yesterday and is most certainly not a good predictor of tomorrow. That describes the daily condition of an Alzheimer’s patient. When I visit, I expect consistency in her condition and behavior relative to the day before. I cannot fathom that I will see a noticeable change in her from day to day. But, I don’t understand all the variables and can’t keep expecting day to day consistency. Coping with mom’s variability has been a challenge.
When I describe my mother these days, I say she is a late stage Alzheimer’s patient. I’ve studied all the literature on the disease and I’ve listened to experts at conferences. The Alzheimer’s Association outlines the stages of the disease on the website but they are described with a caveat. Each patient presents a bit differently with the disease and the so called progression is certainly not linear. These are my words, but that is the essence. And after living through 9 years of the Alzheimer’s progression, I can vouch for it not being linear.
It’s very difficult to anticipate the full-blown, late-stage disease and I look for signs every day that she is approaching this new phase. My mother usually smiles and embraces me with vigor and excitement. Though she doesn’t know me as her daughter, she recognizes me as someone she likes. When she doesn’t engage the way she normally does, I tend to get anxious. I cling to a cause and effect notion that there is something now wrong that can be corrected. Surely there must be a short term problem to be solved, or condition to be treated, that will result in bringing her back to her normal state of being. However, I need to recognize that Alzheimer’s does indeed result in variable behavior.
I must work on coping with the variability of mom’s condition as it relates to Alzheimer’s disease. I’ve been slow in developing my coping skills. I feel worn down. Mom is often “not herself”. As the years have gone by, I seem to be suffering more even during times of relative calmness. I’m anxious even though that’s not my nature.
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