Moving an Alzheimer’s Patient

At every point in this journey, I have been faced with the question “Am I doing the right thing?” I feel like I’ve labored over every decision so I’m satisfied that I’ve done my due diligence. But even after I’ve reached a decision, I have worried if it’s the appropriate one. So when faced with moving an Alzheimer’s patient, everything I was told about change entered into my decision making process.

I wish I could poll all the caregivers out there and ask how many have heard that change causes extreme anxiety and upheaval for an Alzheimer’s patient. Yes, I’m certain that everyone has heard or been told that. I’m sharing this story because this was a clear case of caregiver anxiety rather than patient anxiety.

I scheduled a month to research memory units

New circumstances after my father passed away led me to move my mother.I scheduled an entire month to do the research, tour facilities, meet with directors of nursing and determine the right fit for my mom. Negotiation could happen after I returned home but I needed to be there for tours and so forth.

I selected a new memory unit and made all the arrangements for the big day in April 2015. When I flew in for the big move, I headed over to visit mom and assess the size of the moving job scheduled for the next day. Mom greeted me happily and we walked around the floor. She was at ease there and comfortable and I noticed that. I recognized that I was comfortable with her being there as I never questioned the care she received. Her clothes and furniture would be an easy move. So I called it a day and went out for some early dinner.

Before I went home I decided to peek in on her again that evening. I found her in one of the very cozy, home-like living rooms in the memory unit. She was sound asleep on one of the sofas with her friend, Henry. Henry had become her comfort as he was there in the memory unit with her. Her relationship with him had been a huge problem for my father who lived downstairs and no amount of counseling would help dad see it any differently.

When I walked in and found the two of them asleep together, I just broke down in tears and started to second guess my decision to move her. It had taken me months to make this decision and I had been so certain that it was the right one. Now, looking at mom and how comfortable she was with her friend, I was distraught at the thought of tearing her away from Henry. She no longer had my father and who would provide that warmth and comfort now?

That night I didn’t sleep at all thinking about the decision. But I ultimately realized that my reasoning had been sound. I was simply worried that the change would be upsetting and she would take months to adapt to a new place. And she would suffer that awful feeling of loss for Henry and her other friends.

Lunch time transition on moving day

Moving day arrived and I was out early ready to pack up mom’s belongings. The movers would arrive at 4 pm so I had time to first take mom over in the car and get her settled in. Then I would come back and pack her up. It was approaching lunch time so I said to mom “let’s go out for lunch!” As she always did, she laughed and held my hand as I led her to the elevator. She was always happy to go with me. Normally I was happy too but this time I had an enormous pit in my stomach wondering how this would go. We left the building just the same and I drove her the 2 miles to her new home. They were waiting for us.

It was lunchtime there too so the director took mom by the hand and took her right into the dining room. I just followed along observing my mother. She was happy. They sat her down at her new spot in the dining room and served her a nice lunch. She was content and eating and so I just backed up, out of sight. So far so good. So I dashed back to the old facility to get her packed up for the movers. I was feeling a little better about things at this point.

When I walked in, I thanked God

The movers were early so we all got back to the new facility at about 4 pm. I punched the code to get into the new memory unit and as the door opened all I could do was gasp! The activities director had all the residents sitting in big comfy chairs in a circle and they were playing with balloons. My mother was laughing and swatting at a big red balloon! I know I said a quick thank you to God. Perhaps this transition wasn’t going to be as traumatic for her as I had anticipated.

All I can say in hindsight is that the move happened. Although when moving an Alzheimer’s patient the person could feel disoriented in new surroundings, it was not a problem for my mother. Her short term memory was likely so impaired that she had never formed memories of the former facility or the people there. She was living in each moment. So I was relieved that her positive, happy attitude prevailed and carried her through the move with ease.